I got married just a few days after Christmas. I spent the weeks before my wedding (like every other bride) making preparations, getting everything ready, running around like a chicken with my head cut off. You know. The norm.
And so, these weeks leading up to Christmas always make me really thoughtful about my wedding and my marriage. Perhaps Christmas preparation will always be linked to wedding memories for me.
Tonight, as I was washing the dishes, I started thinking about how I came to decide that Mr. Punky was The One.
Let me preface this by saying that before Mr. Punky, I had a string of bad relationships and bad breakups. Breakups that bruised my heart and shook me to the core. Sure, I’d dated after that. But my last real relationships before Mr. Punky weren’t good ones.
So it wasn’t without some consideration that I thought about marrying Mr. Punky.
Yes, I was deeply in love with him. Yes, I wanted to marry him. But why did I want to marry him? And how did I know it would all be okay?
How did I know it wouldn’t all end in a fiery explosion, where only the cockroaches survive?
I didn’t. I still don’t.
In the end, it came down to this:
In the future, if he ended up hurting me, or I ended up hurting him…if we got to the point of being unrepairable and broken, and we were no longer together…no matter how much he could hurt me someday, I would always love him. Always and forever.
No matter what happened, I would take any time there was to be had with him.
I guess that’s the pessimist’s version of romance, huh? Or, the benefits vs. risks analysis? :)
So, now it’s YOUR turn. How did you know your spouse was The One? If you’re no longer together, what’s your take on this? If you’re unmarried and want to be married, how do you think you’ll know?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Cockroaches. Sorry to laugh. It was funny.
To turn the topic away from what you asked (because I have no answer) to something I’m more comfortable talking about (because I seriously need help), I was thinking about your wedding when I was in Michael’s the other day. I saw those clear crystal bead garlands and remember putting together your oh-so-gorgeous centerpieces. The flair of the event was enviable, dearie. I’m glad the marriage and its intent are too. :) Happy soon-to-be Anniversary.
Thanks for saying that. Funny you should mention the centerpieces. I was thinking about doing my next post on things I regret about my wedding, and those centerpieces are one of them. It’s not that they weren’t beautiful (they were), and it’s not that I wasn’t eternally grateful that you and the other girls decorated (I was). It’s just that they were incredibly complex and unnecessary, and I’m embarrassed that I asked other people to do such a thing. It’s one of my big regrets. Seriously. It’s nice to hear you say that they were beautiful. I hope you don’t want to flog me for asking you to assemble them. :)
I had no idea! I hope you stop calling it a regret. :)
I know that sometimes we need to rate things on scales that are only relevant to ourselves. In this case, you found it to be unnecessarily complex on your own scale. Compared to the scales of others I’ve worked with, you don’t KNOW unnecessarily complex. REALLY. I can respect your opinion. But, I certainly don’t agree (and also only had to assemble compared to planning, procuring, and prepping).
First, you make one gorgeous bride Joanna! Second, I’ve been married 7yrs and dated Dan 7 years before we got married~ I was 19 and a freshman at Stout. I knew the first time I met him I wanted to marry him. …cheesy and cliche (i know) but it is the God’s honest truth. He was so respectful to women and hung out with a lot of girls on my floor and I was so smitten with him :D (still am). I never really dreamed I would meet a man of his character. I feel truly blessed to have him and our 3 beautiful children. Your post really made me smile today about my own marriage. Thanks for the reminder and Happy Anniversary!
Thanks, Alisa. I love that you were, and are, smitten. Adorable.
Ok, this sounds like I was 19 when I got married, but meant to say I was 19 when I “met him”…
I knew because he’s someone I can talk to, REALLY talk to and be myself, the way I do with you and Mom and close girlfriends. I’d come to that conclusion before I met him, that I was never really relaxed and able to have wonderful conversations with any of the guys I dated, even the one I dated for over a year. I was always careful, always holding myself back. I thought that if I ever met a guy I could talk to like I did with my best friends, that would be it. Sure enough, that’s how we started: sitting at an event in the near dark, talking because we were next to each other, not because we were checking each other out, then realizing we were having a deep, real conversation as though we’d known each other forever.
That and pheromones. (Hints of Twilight here. :-) ) He smells soooo good to me. Like no one else in the whole world. That has to be a genetic chemical match-up. So that part was not my conscious brain.
Oh, I hear you on the smell thing. Mr. Punky smells sooo good to me, too. Even when he hasn’t showered. Seriously. It’s so wierd.
I love this blog entry. I can’t wait to write up my thoughts on my own blog. Very interesting how rational you were about your decision. Are you like that with all things in your life? I suspect it’s a part of your personality…
You know, I don’t think I’m like that with all things. I think I’m fairly irrational, actually. :) I think that because of my bad judgement before Mr. Punky, I didn’t trust my judgement anymore. ‘Cause I had been swept off my feet, when I shouldn’t have been.
I’m with Beth. I knew because the first time I ‘officially’ met him, we spent the entire day talking, under a tree, in the rain. Deep, meaningful conversations. Right from the start. And, I knew. (I love that this post reminds me of that time.)
~ Jennifer